@david_tull: Wow, according to the New York Times, just kidding, I have no idea what's going on.
@causticbob: what's the medical term for a female-to-male gender reassignment surgery? an addadictomy
@BobTheSuit: I still have a landline. Or as I like to call it, Cell Phone Finder.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: We’re playing Star Wars. I’m a Jedi and Mom is a stormtrooper.
Me: What am I?
4-year-old: In the way.
@findmydolls: *peels off yoga pants to reveal even yogier pants*
@blondebombs: I'm a dirty bird.
*shits on your windshield*