@Amburglar_: "Wow! Go show your mommy!" -what I say to any child talking to me for more than 11 seconds.
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@markleggett: MAJOR TOM: Tell my wife I love her very much… GROUND CONTROL: She knows. MAJOR TOM: Wait… Is she with you now? GROUND CONTROL: Bye, Tom.
@TheTweetOfGod: Your life flashes before your eyes right before you die. It takes an average of 70-80 years.
@onion_an: Me: Waitress, can I ask you something about the menu please Waitress [slaps my face]: The men I please, that's none of your business