@Amburglar_: "Wow! Go show your mommy!" -what I say to any child talking to me for more than 11 seconds.
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@DanMentos: [commercial] "This commercial is so confusing. I wish they would just tell us what they're selling" narrator: Narrators
@XplodingUnicorn: The heaviest things in the world: 4) iron 3) lead 2) tungsten 1) a toddler who doesn’t want to be picked up
@shadygrenade: *stands over dads casket* "Mom isn't doing well, dad." *puts hand on dad's shoulder* "You need to stop building caskets. It's creepy."