@josePhDhoran: "Wow he's good" -possum at the morgue
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@DrawingShadows: Answer: Marijuana Question: Why am I sitting here on the couch eating ice cream with a fork, watching Telemundo and wearing one sock?
@david8hughes: [assembling baby's cot] Wife: take that bit off Me [reluctantly removing the machine gun turret]: so anyone can just walk in here then
@theshamingofjay: A group of lions is called a pride. A group of my family members is called an embarrassment