@josePhDhoran: "Wow he's good" -possum at the morgue
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@vikkaroni: Him: what does a polar bear weigh? Me: I don't know Him: enough to break the ice, my name's John. Me: so's mine.
@Smooheed: 'Sorry officer but how was I to know that weird noise my car was making was a bicycle stuck in my mudflap?'
@bridger_w: When arguing, I let the other person speak first, then help them see my point by starting with, "Now, what I'm about to say is correct"