@Papa_Mex: Wow some neighbors really freak out when they wake up on a Sunday morning and find me making myself some pancakes in their kitchen
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@ka_unplugged: When I see an ugly guy buying condoms, I restore my faith in myself by thinking that he bought them only because balloons weren't available
@Brianhopecomedy: My wife told me not to say anything about her friend's lazy eye so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her super-athletic one.
@Parentpains: It's actually pretty easy to win an argument with a woman when you wait until she's not around to have it.