@MelShutUp: Wow thank you so much for whistling at me, guy in Walmart. I've never felt more beautiful.
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@KenTremendous: "Owen, you must hide this baby, at all costs, from Anakin Skywalker." "Okay. Should we continue to call him Luke Skywalker?" "Seems fine."
@krisv_723: A haunted house, but instead of masked creatures it's filled with everyone's mother-in-laws.
@envydatropic: The forecast isn't calling for rain so I'm just going to wash my car to prove the weatherman wrong
@crylosec: [train station] Man: hey you. Woman: Hi. M: i'm Christian. W: That's a pickup line? *rolls eyes, walks away M: ugh. i hate my name.