@DurtMcHurtt: Wow, the guy buried alive with weed in his pocket must be rolling in his grave right now.
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@UncleDuke1969: Me: I haven’t tweeted in days. Wife: Oh no! Hold on… *opens laptop *types Wife: Phew! Me: What? Wife: Looks like the Internet survived.
@MicheleAKALips: I had a boyfriend once....right up until the moment my dad asked him "so what do you do?" and he replied your daughter. He's Dead.
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Are you still tweeting about me being in labor? Me: Now I’m live tweeting “The Walking Dead.” Wife: Me: Everything isn’t about you.