@DurtMcHurtt: Wow, the guy buried alive with weed in his pocket must be rolling in his grave right now.
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@AnkCoupleTO: 1st Anniversary: Let's go to Vegas 5th Anniversary: Get a sitter so we can go to dinner 10th Anniversary: Russian roulette sounds like fun
@Reverend_Scott: Wife: I don't think those fireworks look safe to use- Me: [lighting fireworks] who you think I'm gonna believe? You, or Six-Fingered Pete?
@BradBroaddus: It's hard to tweet and change the baby's diaper at the same time.nnI probably should have waited until I got to a red light.
@jazmasta: If you are unsure whether your kitten is male or female try this: - Tickle it - If HE laughs it's a male - If SHE laughs it's a female