@kumailn: "Wow there are a lot of non-brown people in Gaza." - anyone tuning into Ferguson coverage late
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@TheFearBoners: The only thing more boring than Lance Armstrong's interview is the Tour de France.
@alrulz2009: If you love something set it free. If it comes back, celebrate with some delicious tacos. If it doesn't that's twice the tacos for you.
@JumbledButts: Prison Guard: "So you two cons are in love?" Con1: "Yes." Con2: "It's like we finish each other's..." *in unison* "death sentences."