@AwkwardTwitts: "Wow, you're tall.. Do you play basketball?" "Wow, you're short. Do you play mini golf?"
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@Godhatespants: Him: drink? Me: I have a boyfriend Him: I have a goldfish Me: What??? Him: I thought we were talking about shit that don't matter
@LifesGoodThing: My wife and I toss a coin to settle arguments; heads she wins, tails I apologise.
@jonnysun: "911 wats ur emergency" hi-- huh? um-- so, uh-- ah. oh geez. well im only just now realizimg that the girl at the bar gave me a fake number