@LizHackett: Wrap toilet paper around you like a wedding dress and slowly get naked as you tear pieces off to blow your nose all day.
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@myonlymizztake: I wish Adele would hurry up and put out another album so I could end this relationship.
@UtilityLimb: some tweets get big favs but no RTs. why? [camera pans to dog in lab coat high up on a distant ledge. we're too far away to hear his answer]
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I think it's weird how President Obama appointed George Clooney Secretary Of Handsome. #DNC
@huntigula: if you love something, set it free. If it immediately bites your throat and drags you up a tree, you love a leopard and should try to escape