@LuvPug: Wrapping presents takes a LOT longer when your kid sneaks up behind you & cuts off your arm with an empty wrapping paper tube lightsaber.
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@TheAlexNevil: CW: Who's the more the foolish: the fool, or the- Me: Ted, I don't have time for this, so I'm going to slap you hard then take myself to HR.
@TheMichaelRock: It's not really a random act of kindness if you planned it, photographed it, and posted it to social media.
@VodkaShorebird: Just think, there is coming an entire generation of idiots who will wonder: "Why did they have a hashtag button on landline phones?"
@iGreenMonk: I always carry a mushroom with me, just in case my enemy shows up & I need something to make me bigger.