@meat_tornado_: write your suicide note in frosting on a cake so no one can eat it and people will still hate you even though you are dead
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@Sickayduh: DAD: I can't believe you bought me a house for Christmas SON: I hope you enjoy it DAD: I'm just gonna... SON: Oh no DAD: Live in the present
@Donna_McCoy: Baby showers are fun until someone has too much champagne and starts a plastic knife fight over a corner piece of cake. I need a ride home.
@NoorShamma: Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Mars has 2 moons. Venus has no moons. Do you see where I'm getting at? Men, GIVE BACK OUR MOON!
@amishschool: Dropped mother-in-law at airport. Her flight isn't until Tuesday, but with security and all, best to play it safe.