@liv_thatsme: *writes kid's name in sharpie on arm every morning instead of getting tattoo just in case they end up being a disappointment*
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@Love_bug1016: Santa read your DMs. The only thing you're getting for Christmas is a prayer group on Facebook.
@thatUPSdude: How is "Shark spotted swimming off the coast" news worthy? Now if a shark was seen walking off the coast that's different.
@MissNaughty1801: *approaches man sitting at the bar Me: would you like to dance Him: yeah! Me: that's great because I need to sit down
@BonaFideIntent: Overall productive day.. *Ordered Batman boxer briefs & matching knee socks *Called my mom *Bought an Xbox game, & a goat, on Craigslist