@Modern_Psyche: Writing a good suicide note is hard, especially if you don't know that person's handwriting.
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@therealeatwood: BOB: Hey boss can I get another raise SCROOGE: But I just gave you… B: What’s that over there, is it a gho-o-o-ost?? Ooooooooo S: OK! OK!
@ktmcburr: Great shoulder tattoo. I bet butterflies are really significant to you and have shaped you into the person you are today, right?
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis is talking to a parrot. "I'm Bruce Willis" he says. The parrot repeats it. "yeah right" Bruce says, but is secretly worried
@Shanehasabeard: Before cell phones and texting, I used to get pulled over a lot for playing solitaire with a physical deck of cards while I was driving