@MooseAllain: Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There’s a lovely key change at the end.
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@1CleverGirl1: Don't force funny huh? Well, I have funny tied to a chair in my basement and...unless we become fast friends... ...he's losing a knee cap.
@nathandeschaine: Jurassic Park (1993): An old man with ungodly amounts of money doesn't have any common sense.
@Brianhopecomedy: "Hi, I'd like a Junior McChicken and a cheeseburger please." "$3.23." "Oh, and a bottle of water." "$87.54. Please drive thru."
@pro_failure: I've stopped trying to explain twitter to my friends and now just say,"I collect tiny imaginary people in my phone using jokes as bait."