@MooseAllain: Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There’s a lovely key change at the end.
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@mommy_cusses: She was murdered by the toddler. In the bathroom. With his hundredth question. -Parent version of Clue
@Douchekevin: Girlfriend told me she wants me to pull her hair , but apparently not while she's driving. Girls are weird.
@CarouselMouse: "It's a bird!" [Superman zooms down to inches away from the screaming guy's face] S: Birds can't go that fast Sean. What are you an idiot