@MooseAllain: Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There’s a lovely key change at the end.
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@AbrasiveGhost: ME: What's this bit here? NURSE: ...his heart ME: Hm. NURSE: Your résumé said you were a surgeon ME: My résumé says a lot of things
@kristendrum: the cashier at Petsmart just told me I smell really good which would be a compliment if my competition wasn't a bunch of dogs and gerbils
@Fred_Delicious: Bruce Willis angrily returns a cheese grater to the store, "IT DID NOT MAKE THE CHEESE GREATER! IT JUST MADE LOTS OF LITTLE CHEESE" he fumes
@shipwrecksean: I'm looking for something with the health benefits of yoga but absolutely none of the yoga