@MooseAllain: Writing a song about getting my front door lock replaced. There’s a lovely key change at the end.
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@Roxtalled: Boss: Why is Pizza Hut listed as your emergency contact? Me: Because if things ever get crazy, they'll know where to find me.
@deegeemindi: If a recipe does not call for cheese, I'm gonna assume they forgot it and add an entire large bag. Well 3/4 of bag cause I ate some of it.
@Coastiefish: Don't say "ATM machine". The "M" already stands for "machine". It's redundant. It's like saying "end result" or "racist Fox News Anchor".