@juliussharpe: Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don't want to look at you.
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@highxpectation2: No one realizes when someone says, "The last thing I wanna do is hurt you," that basically implies: there is a list, hurting you is on it.
@_HannersNanners: Overheard at the pool: Grandma: what do you want the baby to be? a brother or sister? *long pause* 3 year old: a cat
@thedad: Welcome to parenthood. You're about to spend an irrational amount of time convincing a sleepy person to go to sleep