@juliussharpe: Writing is a great career when people like hearing what you have to say but don't want to look at you.
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@SondraDeeMe: [sex in car] ME: Remember when you could do this without fear of strangers watching? BF: Yes UBER DRIVER: Would you like a water?
@geekysteven: DORA: "Swiper, no swiping!" SWIPER: "oh, man" *Wealthier fox shows up, swipes everything* DORA: "That's OK, it'll trickle down"
@KalvinMacleod: ME: Tell me your weaknesses. INTERVIEWER: um I'm interviewing you! M: *writes ‘hostile'* I: What's that say? M: *writes ‘overly suspicious’*
@buhsbaby_baby: You know what I'd like for Christmas, mom? I'd like you to stop treating me like a child. Also I'd like some money and some new socks.