@Home_Halfway: Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
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@BonaFideIntent: ....and that's how I ended up laying on the bedroom floor with a potato stuck in my ass.
@SortaBad: A good prank is to rent a Mercedes, stick a huge bow on it, and park it in front of your neighbor's house
@brynnester: [Flight] Cabin Crew: The pilot & co are dead. Is there anyone on board who can fly the plane? Harrison Ford: I can CC: Anyone else at all?
@Overdue_Bills: Sorry Windows. The only thing a "strong" password will do is lock me out of my own computer when drunk. 1234 it is.