@dumbbeezie: Wrong officer, none of these drugs are being carried with the intent to distribute
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@briancthayer: *licks excess icing off mixer & spoon* Wife: Aww, thanks hun! Me: For what? W: Doing my dishes! M: Oh, I didn-- W: ... M: You're welcome.
@theyearofelan: Captain’s Log. My girlfriend has been out of town for one day. The dogs are now in command. I have covered the floor in thin layers of prosciutto at their request. They’ve said I can stay here, for now. I am perched on the counter by the fridge in case they need more cured meats
@LuckoftheDraw86: "You can't stand there." "Not there, either." "Nope that spot's taken, too." -Ground hogs