@carleysholl: Wtf has just happened😳
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@Fred_Delicious: [At work] "guys check this out" [Tries to do the fake walking downstairs thing but gets it wrong & walks up into the air] "Holy shit help"
@nigelgodwin: I always have a suicide note in my shower so that i wont look stupid if i ever slip and crack my head
@DirtMcTurd: Ex (trying to make me jealous): I'm going to a party, everyone's drinking, laughing, and having fun! Me: that'll all stop once you show up