@HousewifeOfHell: WTF, marathoners? I don't even like to drive 26 miles.
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@Almighty_Smoot: Saturday plans: -get abducted then hunted by a group of rich guys on a game reserve, then systematically take them out one by one. - laundry
@Fred_Delicious: "HONEY, ITS THE BANK. SOMEBODY USED YOUR CARD TO BUY A HUMAN HAMSTER WHEEL??" Me [from basement, out of breath] "what"
@500Riles: [Interview] Boss: Have you ever been fired? Me: Depends on who you ask B: If I ask your last employer? Me: They'd say yes