@krustythe_klown: WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: I know you're not supposed to question doctors, but it's weird how my dentist keeps insisting on checking my prostate.
@KalvinMacleod: INTERVIEWER: your resume says that you take things too literally ME: how the hell did my resume say that?
@atanya1111: Husband: are you cooking something? Me: of course not Husband: the oven timer just went off Me: oh yeah, take the wine out of the freezer