@krustythe_klown: WTH! @ The audience that just sat and watched the first ever magician to saw a lady in half.
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@jergarl: *takes ambien Oh. You said NO ambien before dinner at your parents. Wife: Really? Me:*already getting naked* I'm sure it will be fine.
@thejessbess: I'm rubber. You're glue. I don't conduct low voltage electricity. You're great for arts & crafts.
@Abusitron: How many children do I want to have? Kind of a weird question for a first date, but umm I guess enough to finish the temple
@shutupmikeginn: friend: Are you eating a whole frozen pizza by yourself? me: It was on sale for $4 friend: I wasnt asking because I thought it was expensive