@neonwario: WWII was just all the people w/ time machines who went back in time to kill hitler fighting the time travelers who wanted to protect hitler
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@maxlavergne: 100% per cent of survey respondents said: help us get out of this tall tree. we didn't know this survey involved being stuck in a tree
@iLikeCatShirts: Boss: what should we call the lower cabinet in the corner that swivels? Bonnie (who hates Susan): I have an idea.
@Home_Halfway: "Can I buy you a drink?" Sure! What's your name? "Uhh. I don't know. I never get this far" You don't know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool
@david8hughes: [bank robbery] Robber 1: put money in the bag Robber 2: how come u get to be robber 1? Robber 4: how do u think I feel. There's only 3 of us