@NurseSeymour: Xanax, keeping moms from dropping their kids off at an orphanage since 1981.
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@Pork_Chop_Hair: Instead of butterfly kisses, I give you moth kisses. They're crazy, frantic, all over the place- and quite honestly, you're terrified.
@ozzyunc: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, & acceptance: the five stages of watching them put lettuce on your sandwich at Subway.
@thewritertype: If I had a bitcoin for every time someone tried to explain bitcoins to me I'd have a lot of bitcoins, and no idea what to do with them.
@WilliamAder: Unable to stop their phones and washing machines from exploding, Samsung announced today they're changing their name to the ACME Corp.