@ixSEANxi: Ya know those scenes where the guy shoves everything off the table and throws a woman on it yeah I've only done that with pizza
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@jwoodham: "Friends" ended 10 years ago today, but thanks to television, "me having friends" ended long before that.
@AlexRogaski: Buying In Bulk In theory: Oh good, I'll have enough chips to last all month In reality: I'm gonna eat 5 family size bags of chips tonight
@Sean_Burgundy_: I'd probably have more friends if I didn't answer every call with "Why did you save my number?"
@That_Damn_Duck: You block or unfollow me because I follow or retweet someone you don’t like. Kindergarten called & said you left your maturity level there.