@StephenBCramer: Yahoo news reports that Johnny Manziel was forced to sit in the middle seat of an airliner. I guess they should have let him fly the plane.
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@tylerschmall: *walks into Babies R Us* Hi I'd like to buy a baby. "Sir we don't-" *I slide him a 100 dollar bill* "This way please."
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Excuse me, where are your nails that twist? Worker: You mean screws? Me: I don't know, I'm not a nail scientist. Worker....
@Scott_A_Gilmore: ~ Gets old. Puts car keys in 'better' place so I won't lose them ~ Can't find keys, has thrombosis—Dies ~ Comes back as ghost … finds keys