@MrGeorgeWallace: Y'all are gonna be sorry when I figure out how to breed spiders and bees and my army of "spees" is stingin' and bitin' you and shit
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@MaryKoCo: If ur late to an appt, just tell them u had another one, but were on time to that one. That way they associate you with punctuality
@Brianhopecomedy: My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I'm proud of him, I doubt he'll make a lot of sales in the backyard.
@tarashoe: if i'm bleeding out in an alley & you approach me w/an app that would save me, but i'd have to login using facebook, i'd be fine w/just dyin
@daemonic3: [math class] How would you order a Subway footlong in metric countries where they don't have feet? "By crawling to the counter?" GET OUT