@MrGeorgeWallace: Y'all are gonna be sorry when I figure out how to breed spiders and bees and my army of "spees" is stingin' and bitin' you and shit
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@davidkenny100: It's impossible to be a parent and stay on twitter so I'm afraid it's time to say goodbye. So this is your uncle, you live with him now.
@JPHaddadio: When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along.
@Dawn_M_: During a zombie apocalypse, establish dominance by approaching the baddest zombie with the snappiest teeth and braid his hair.