@NoChillPosts: YALL FEMALES ARE THE DEVIL
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@LarryJLund: Ex-wife died in a car wreck yesterday. Didn't send flowers, thought might be weird to the family. That and didnt know other drivers address.
@dinokitten: [at Chinese restaurant] "Hi I'll have a large goingon" -What is goingon? "Nothing much, just hungry for some Chinese food"
@Maui_Speaks: Every day the cat climbs a six-foot glass-block wall and watches my wife shower. She thinks it's cute. I do it once and I'm creepy.