@bacon_gillepic: Y’all keep saying Columbus was a bad dude and he shouldn’t had a day, but y’all need to shut up because I like getting mattresses on sale
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@canadian_makin: Me: hello I've run out of toilet paper Front desk: oh I'm sorry for the inconvenience Me: oh no worries, but I've also run out of towels
@lovstructionist: Pilot [over intercom]: This is your captain speaking, since you are here for 14 hours anyway, here is the first season of my podcast.
@zachreinert03: I hate "save the date" engagement cards. After divorce you should have to send out "hey forget about that one date 6 months ago" cards
@TheAlexNevil: Boss: You wrote one of your strengths is invisibility and that seems--what are you doing?! Me (giving him the finger): Wait--you can see me?