@lchap83: Y'all. Y'all.
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@Tommytoughstuff: ME: This electric toothbrush knocked a few of my teeth loose. DENTIST: That's an egg beater.
@MelvinofYork: Me: Liar, liar, pants on fire! Nose as long as a telephone wire! Daughter: A telephone WHAT? Me: Wire. Daughter: That doesn’t make sense.
@jake_likes_naps: *locks hands with stranger in elevator* im nervous, this is my first time flying
@TheHatdog: If you watch Scooby-Doo backwards its about some kids helping a business owner enter a costume contest then minding their own business.