@KhrisWarhol: McDonalds can't extend their breakfast hours because at 10:01am, the eggs become self aware.

@SarahAMoulton: I bet when humans 1st learned to eat there were a lot of mishaps. "Just tried the sand, Betty, probably a 2 out of 10. Don't eat the sand."

@WeAreGirICodes: THIS IS THE BEST THING IVE SEEN ALL DAY 😂

@arealliveghost: if I were in a comic book I would never wear clothes, I would just constantly scream a huge speech bubble over my body

@david8hughes: Wife: can you change the baby Me: oh thank god. I'm so glad you said that. Yes, yes I will Wife: I don't mean swap it for a new one Me: ...