@13spencer: Ted Cruz is complaining about "liberal fascism," so I guess he's just stringing random unrelated words together, like "potato doorknob."
@Darlainky: All we do is support you, all you ever do is complain about us!
-if bras could talk
@LifeUnPinterest: *Texting*
HIM: Do you have any snacks?
ME: In my panty.
H: Lol, you misspelled "pantry."
M: Nope.
@bromanconsul: congrats to those who made it onto my "Not A Lizard" spreadsheet in 2015. to the rest of u, better luck next year and/or die reptilian scum.
@bakedbrotatoes: -This is my son Michelangelo.
-Oh, like the artist.
-Um no like the Ninja Turtle.
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