@zachheltzel: "Yeah girl, lick my ass." - stamps
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@Lowenaffchen: My wife set up a spycam and found out my sons "speech impediment" was from 5 years of me talking to him in Borat voice while she was at work
@hippieswordfish: ME: any advice DAD: its ok to embellish a little [later at job interview] INTERVIEWER: tell me about yourself M: i wrote harry potter
@patnspankme: (during sex) Me: Is that good? Her: Real good, baby. Her mom: Good af. Me: How many more dates until your mom quits chaperoning us? Her: I dunno. Mom? Her mom: Honey, look at him, not me. You’re making this weird.
@XGroverX: Wait one second "Mario Brothers" Implies that Luigi's name is Luigi Mario and Mario's name is Mario Mario....What is this I'm smoking again?