@zachheltzel: "Yeah girl, lick my ass." - stamps
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@murrman5: officer it's my son's car "just make it stop sir" I don't know how "can you call him" I'll try *tries to dial while car bounces up and down*
@TheWoodenslurpy: I'd like to meet a failed scientist, like I do writers. "I science on the weekends and for free sometimes. I think of it more as a hobby."
@ValeeGrrl: MY SON: [standing over drawer full of socks] MOMMA I CAN'T FIND ANY SOCKS ALSO MY SON: [sees one grain of pepper on his chicken] EW PEPPER