@jctwritesstuff: Yeah, I know what my neighbors wear to bed. Not because I look in their windows; I just see them during the day at Walmart.
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@theyearofelan: Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside
@JennyJohnsonHi5: I'm so confused when the TV voice before a show I'm about to watch says, "For mature audiences only." Can I watch or not?
@bridger_w: When a cop asks if you know why you were pulled over, respond, "I'm actually not allowed to discuss the details of the case"
@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.