@bombsydoll: Yeah, I've got that Sexy Librarian thing going on. Except I'm not sexy. Or a librarian. I would like you to keep it down though.
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@abbycohenwl: Neighbor: I need to run to the store. Can you watch the baby? Me (thinks of Daredevil cued up on Netflix): I am a registered sex offender
@Home_Halfway: "How do we spell this pasta?" L "Ok" A "Got it" S "Neat" A "Diggin it" G "What the hell" N "Wait" A "I have some questions"
@deardilettante: I am literally the only one at this baby shower who turned up with champagne & a coat hanger.
@FXTVaddict: Me: I asked the waitress for diet Coke and she thought I said rum and Coke. Boss: 5 times? Me: Yeah I guess. B: ..... M: HR again?