@helltotheyaya: Yeah, sex is awesome. But have you ever put clothes on straight out of the dryer?
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@CrashTestDrummy: A Jehovah's Witness followed me. I think I'll send him a lot of unsolicited DMs with knock-knock jokes...
@jergarl: 87% of my day is spent remembering my kids names and my anniversary and stuff and the other 57% is trying to do math.
@CrowfootJim: When women get to a certain age they start accumulating cats. This is known as the many paws.