@drumforge: yeah sex is cool but have you tried washing your dishes right after you use them so they never pile up in the sink???
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@ShoutingGoddess: When idiots talk to me, I just imagine they're saying, 'I'm an idiot,' over and over. Makes it easier to nod in agreement and not get cross.
@Reverend_Scott: [jumps in Uber] ME: HURRY I'M LATE UBER: [starts driving] ME: PULL OVER HERE [jumps out, pets dog] ME: [jumps back in] GO GO GO
@TheAlexP: I'll put a comma, after a comma, even if it doesn't need a comma, to completely, drive you, insane.
@TheMichaelRock: Me: Hey lady, you can't park there. Her: I'm just running into Starbucks. Me: Oh shit, my bad. Laws don't apply to you then.