@JennyJohnsonHi5: "Yeah, well your dog isn't a rescue, your snacks are processed and everyone knows you're vaccinated" - how a kid talks shit in 2015
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@ThaJawn: (prostate exam) Dr: WOW! I've never seen this before Me: OMG! WHAT *loud click Me: DID YOU JUST TAKE A SELFIE Dr:.. And send Me: WTF?
@ArfMeasures: DOCTOR: At a guess, how much alcohol do you drink in a day? ME: Hardly any D: That's excellent ME [swigs vodka] But I'm a terrible guesser
@JoshuaFlail: My Pops told me that you can't go around trying to save everyone. They have to save themselves. He was a terrible lifeguard.