@LanieLalaBugs: Yeah yeah "Friends with Benefits" are cool but have you tried "Friends with Batteries"? Less drama!
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@AbrasiveGhost: ME:[just inaugurated as president] Where's the nuke button ADVISOR: why ME:[crumpling photo of my 5th grade bully] I just wanna see it
@JanineEB4: My biggest regret to date is probably never telling Kary C, Kerri B, Cari R and Kerry L from 4th grade that their names were spelled wrong..
@Playing_Dad: Got fired from my 4th fast food job in a row for asking "do you want a shake with that?" at the drive thru window and then twerking for 5 minutes no matter what they answered
@trevso_electric: The worst thing that can happen when you invite someone over to "watch a movie" is actually watching a movie.