@rachelle_mandik: year 39, month 3: woke up a sentient tangle of meat and calcium again
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@batkaren: Coworker: It'll either work or it won't. Me: Yes. Those would be the two possible outcomes.
@Storminika: Hey Dog Walkers, technically, that dog can walk on its own. What it can't do is pick up it's own poop. You're just a poop collector.
@KeetPotato: [undoes GFs bra first time] "wow have you been practicing?" don't be ridiculous [me and dog exchange glances]
@deardilettante: [ first date ] Me. Do you take drugs? Him. I never touch them. Me. Perfect. Can I have a urine sample?