@rachelle_mandik: year 39, month 3: woke up a sentient tangle of meat and calcium again
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@MissBamantha: Overheard a girl just say she's full because she ate at 3:00. It's 6:00. How can you stay full for THREE HOURS, alien?
@robfee: Why does Darkwing Duck wear a mask? You are a duck. No one could identify you without describing every other duck on earth.
@awkwardphilippe: [home depot] employee[yelling]: YOU CAN'T DO THAT IN HERE me: [yelling over the sound of revving chainsaw]: WHAT