@BlindChow: Years ago I tried on my sister's bra, couldn't undo the clasp & was too embarrassed to ask for help. I'm still wearing it. I live in shame.
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@DirtMcTurd: My wife said I couldn't finger paint and also she says that "Paint" is a stupid name for our cat
@TheToddWilliams: [boss's office] I'm tired of staff that think they know everything! Do you know what I mean, Murray? "No, sir" I like your style, Murray.
@Vice_Queen: So your face, is it permanently like that or are you genuinely surprised every time you take a selfie?
@AsgardianRose: I’m bored. I’m going to text my ex boyfriends and say “I have to talk to you, it’s important” and then not answer the phone for 6 days.