@GrantTanaka: Yelled at some skinhead today & he was all like "chemotherapy, dude" & I was like, "whatever, racist" cause sometimes you gotta take a stand
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@rainerfm: I once watched a mime choke to death on a street corner and everyone applauded. For a couple of reasons.
@Home_Halfway: ROOMMATE: Hank is coming by later ME: Cannibal Hank or Pastry-Loving Hank? [From outside] HEY ANYBODY WANNA EAT A DANISH ROOMMATE: Yeah I don't know man
@WildeThingy: I used to think alcohol silenced the voices in my head until I realised it had just moved them to my mouth.
@petemandik: If someone tells you they don't like some particular word, do not torment them with it. To do so is totally moist.