@GrantTanaka: Yelled at some skinhead today & he was all like "chemotherapy, dude" & I was like, "whatever, racist" cause sometimes you gotta take a stand
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@rachelmillman: if you ever want to witness an Oscar worthy performance, ask any person from twitter their follower count and watch them pretend to not know
@tequilasaltlife: I'm a good driver until there is a cop behind me Then I become a paranoid weed transporter from the border
@kentgrossarth: The Pope quit. Meteor in Russia. Snowing in Arizona. Star Wars and Star Trek have the same director. Who the hell is playing Jumanji?
@UrbanDouchebag: Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is a copy of your naughty list. Love, -Tim