@merican_ninjy: Yelling out "Stranger Danger!" is a good way to say no when a cashier asks for your zip code.
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@KalvinMacleod: DOCTOR: studies show that social media use reduces attention span ME: that's hard to believe DOCTOR: are you checking your phone? ME: what?
@elizabeth_fels: PUTIN: If your American lover is in this room I'll kill him ELENA: He's not! PUTIN: (softly) u...s... [bursting from closet] A! USA! USA!
@Marlebean: Sometimes I lie and tell my husband I spent $300 at Costco so he'll stop talking to me.
@ValeeGrrl: ME: my husband wears a pair of jorts the week I'm ovulating DOCTOR: no i meant are you on any form of hormonal birth control ME: ah. no.