@NakedHangover: Yelling "shotgun" when getting in a car means a seat in the front. Yelling it before getting on a plane means a seat in the TSA office.
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@Mr_Kapowski: Me: *falls off a ladder* Wife: OH MY GOD! ARE YOU INJURED? Me: *obviously concussed but also bleeding* I'm injured and outjured
@JH_Moncrieff: "I don't understand...we're a grocery store. Do we really need an editor on staff?" Yes. Yes, you do.
@SatansTongue: HOT SINGLES NEAR YOU BURNING SINGLES NEAR YOU 1ST DEGREE BURNED SINGLES NEAR YOU DEAD SINGLES NEAR YOU ＷＨＹ ＤＩＤＮ'Ｔ ＹＯＵ ＨＥＬＰ
@StellaRtwot: I bet you the first person to invent puzzles was a woman that ripped up a picture of her husband.