@NakedHangover: Yelling "shotgun" when getting in a car means a seat in the front. Yelling it before getting on a plane means a seat in the TSA office.
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@Jenny4ashley: Boss: Are you high? Me: If I was high could I do this? *teleports two inches to the right*
@13spencer: I'd like to think that my exes see me as "the one who got away," but it's probably more like "the one who got away from the police."
@Bill_Nye_Tho__: s/o to parallel lines for keeping that shit platonic and never crossing. they keep a healthy professional work ethic