@Metalligretch: Yelling "wooooo" when the singer says the name of your town is what separates us from the animals.
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@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes.
@onlxn: Daughter asked who the princess of France was. When told there wasn't one her eyes widened and she quietly asked if she could do it
@OtherDanOBrien: *I throw u a kiss* *u duck* *it flies into space* [6 bn yrs later - the planet Xargx] LORD ZARG: Kill the- *kiss hits his cheek* LZ: Aww nvm
@jjax44: It sucks when you & your pal show up at a party wearing the same shirt...and an hour in, his chest hair starts sticking to your back.