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@mattchew81: *yells from space*
Did you kill that spider?!
@JennyJohnsonHi5: Show me a woman in a Tweety Bird t-shirt and I'll show you a woman who shoplifts in the grocery store.
@loudmouth_usa: Mom: When I was your age I never had sex
Me: Mom, I'm 32
@Super_Cynthia: I KEPT MY CAPS LOCK ON WHEN I SEARCHED RECIPES FOR DINNER TONIGHT AND NOW GORDON RAMSEY IS IN MY KITCHEN
@KPsych29: I always wear black. That way I'm ready, at any given moment, for an impromptu night out or your funeral, whatever.
@Maxine12333: I've always admired a man in a uniform who is soft, sweet and tender. I guess my perfect match is the Stay Puft Marshmellow man.