@robfee: Yelp is a great way to find out where garbage people will never eat again because one time a waitress forgot their honey mustard.
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@lisaxy424: It's actually a good thing money doesn't grow on trees because I've killed every plant I've ever owned.
@WilliamAder: When it's "buy one, get one free," I have them put the free one in a separate bag so I don't get them mixed up.
@DomBorrett: Making jokes on Twitter is a lot like making jokes in real life. Except without the frightened faces of strangers on buses