@robfee: Yelp is a great way to find out where garbage people will never eat again because one time a waitress forgot their honey mustard.
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@Abusitron: [leaving 5 minute voicemail] ...and you can reach me at [deep breath] *says phone number as fast as possible, slurring the numbers together*
@ImSoFrancis: BREAKING NEWS: Scientists have discovered what may be the worlds largest bed sheet. More on that as it unfolds.
@hyperblastchic: Me singing: Then I saw her face!! Now I'm a Beliber! Not a trace of doubt in my mind! Roommate: You DO know that's a guy...right?
@_wangwe: Hold the door for your girlfriend. Listen to the door. Tell the door everything will be okay. Leave your girlfriend for the door.