@bridger_w: Yelp review: Excellent food, friendly service. That said, I did notice a smudge on a window and was forced to set the building on fire
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@Sanbel11: "Baby, I'm in the bedroom waiting for you" Now I got your attention, let me show you a proper way to make the bed.
@ArfMeasures: [After my wife ate my bag of M&Ms I was saving for later] Wife: You're being so over-dramatic Me *texting her back from motel room* am I
@imteddybless: if you want a wife that will cook and clean for you then that’s not me. BUT if you want a wife who will support and love you unconditionally then again, that’s not me. i don’t like you
@Holy_Mowgli: ~mattress store ME:i need to use the intercom CASHIER:no M:this time for real…my kid's lost C: M: C:fine M:*to entire store*I SEE BED PEOPLE