@jonnysun: "yer a magician, harry" hagrid said to hary houdini when he graduted magic academy
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@RandiLawson: We've replaced the names of the foreign countries & leaders in Trump's speech with the names of IKEA® furniture. Let's see if he notices
@Rollinintheseat: *Goes to bakery to try wedding cake samples* Baker: "When is your wedding?" Me: *with mouthful of cake* "What wedding?"
@Ghetto_Trophy: Sleeping Beauty has a pretty good situation going on until Prince Charming came and screwed it up.
@JoParkerBear: [in bed] Him: What are you thinking? Me: (blushing) I don't wanna say Him: You can tell me Me: I wish I knew more about campaign finance law