@nice_mustard: yes 911 i need to report a kidnapping. lol yeah there's a baby goat asleep in my lap. no dont send cops you'll wake him up
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@DominicStraw: Your password doesn't remember you either. He moved on. He's someone else's password now.
@Nahdude83: Give a man a fish & he'll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
@Donnie_Fairburn: That prank where you roll the windows down as you go through a carwash so your friends get soaked isn't as funny when you do it by yourself
@Rollmaninoz: [date] Date: I thought your Tinder profile said you were a gym owner Me *eating a hotdog and scanning for Pokemon*: yes that's correct