@weinerdog4life: Yes, 911, that guy just fed my house letters again.
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@UncleDuke1969: Wife: Your life insurance premium paid up? Me: Yeah. Wife: Good. Me: Why? Wife: No reason. Me: ... Wife: ... Me: ... Wife: Here, taste this.
@TheBoydP: The worst kind of insomnia is snoring induced insomnia. That's when every time you start snoring your wife shoves you awake...
@BonaFideIntent: Where's the gratification in tearing down another human being? It's much easier to have heart, than walk w a self-inserted rod up your ASS.
@thenatewolf: *I come downstairs to see my dog has eaten my dinner off the counter* Dude, I said I was sorry for eating yours.