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@LogicLaughs: Yes autocorrect, I was trying to find some 'amazon' weed
@MikeHornick: A fake ID that says you're only 14 so you can get cheaper buffets
@SharkJelly: *in a fight with Humpty Dumpty*
"You don't scare me, I eat eggs like you for breakfast"
@OfficeofSteve: Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window
@McKelvie: Handy guide to types of moon.
@avxlanche: me: mom i like this person from twitter
mom: TWITTER IS LIKE CRAIGSLIST YOU THINK YOURE BUYING USED BOWLING SHOES AND YOU WIND UP DEAD