@LogicLaughs: Yes autocorrect, I was trying to find some 'amazon' weed
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@Overdue_Bills: She was like "wrong hole", so I said "adventurous on the e-harmony profile isn't knitting quilts Velma", long story short I'm still single.
@lazerdoov: Mcdonalds showing people doing yoga in their commercials is like George Bush having a library named after him.
@Tmoney68: At my funeral, I'm stipulating in my will that after the eulogy is read the crowd can have 15 minutes for rebuttal, just to be fair.